The birth of Pegasus Inner Wellbeing
The birthing of Pegasus Inner Wellbeing closely coincides with the birth of my first child who turned 30 this year.
The pain of the birth vanished in the moment when my newborn daughter was placed upon my heart. Steve and I were in awe for the miracle of life, as tiny fingers and bright eyes connected to us. After backpacking in Ireland and nicknaming our bump “Paddy” we were finally embarking on the exciting adventure of parenting.
I remember the intense feeling of responsibility and the silent promise I made to fiercely protect my little cub. I was determined to provide the best life and opportunities possible, all wrapped up in patience, love and undivided attention.
Whilst in hospital a nurse sternly told me I was overfeeding my baby and then, when the home visit nurse weighed my unhappy crying baby, she said bub was starving and needed more feeds! The confidence I had on that “birth day” was quickly reduced to feelings of hopelessness, discovering I lacked any natural motherly instinct to determine what each cry meant and what my baby needed.
Like for most parents with their first baby, those early days were very tough, but I didn’t make it any easier for myself. I found myself wanting to prove I could do this Mum thing perfectly and at the same time, keep all commitments, appointments, attending to farm and household duties, shopping, meal preps and creating a plentiful supply of milk for bub! What about our marital relationship, you ask? Well, that was at the bottom, under all the neatly folded cloth nappies.
Our marriage survived, together we brought 4 daughters into the world, while working ridiculously hard for a pie in the sky dream of dairy farm ownership. Only to experience the tragic death of our beautiful 6-year-old daughter. In a split second, our wonderful, crazy-busy life as we knew it, changed forever.
So much grieving, healing and growing has taken place over the last 21 years, and our girls are embarking on their own life journey now. Themselves now navigating the joy and the sorrows of life experiences, along with the understanding of how precious life truly is.
There are no guarantees as bereaved parents that life will be free of further pain or loss. This was certainly the case when Steve received a cancer diagnosis early in 2021. Another huge wake up call, and thankfully a chance to experience victory with a successful operation. It is still early days, but we are now focusing on more healing and how to create optimal health and longevity.
Pegasus Inner Wellbeing has finally birthed after a very long incubation period, and, like having a newborn for the first time, there is much unknown about how this all will unfold.
Pegasus the mythic winged horse symbolises the power of freedom, and a reminder that we can rise above the experiences and perceived limits of our life, especially when we can be carried on the wings of love.
I believed that every cell in my body would mourn deeply for my child for the rest of my life, devoid of joy, and limited to just surviving. It was at the start of my Yoga journey that my mentor explained to me that it is possible to change my cells, my state of being and my destiny. I had no clue what that involved but my wise teacher planted a seed of possibility for a better future – that even when there are limitations in life, potential still exists.
This is the essence of Pegasus, who, with grace and courage transports us to places we have not yet explored. There is an inner freedom that can be discovered when we dare to face our sorrow, disappointments and our disconnected parts of life with compassion and love. It is this acknowledgement of “what is” that makes it possible to take the ride to new awareness, choices, and understandings. We can make meaning of the life that we still are, that we still have, right here and now. There is much in life that we cannot control but we can learn how to cope, adjust and keep going.
Just as Pegasus carries us to new possibilities, I have a yearning to support others to discover their own inner resources and to soar above the limitations that life experiences can cause. This road is less travelled – but also, well worth it.
“You can’t believe in yourself without believing in possibility, and you can’t believe in possibility without believing in yourself”
- Dr Joe Dispenza