Horse Medicine for grief and loss.

I went out into the horse paddock a couple of weeks after the sudden death of my six year old daughter.

I walked up to my horse, where he was eating grass but lifted his head as I approached. When I offered my hand, he sniffed and softly touched my fingers.

I wondered if he could sense my shattered heart and intense grieving energy.

He welcomed my gentle strokes as tears ran down my face.

I despairingly conveyed in words what had happened in my life since our last ride together.

Of course he couldn’t understand what I was saying but he rubbed his forehead against my shoulder and it felt  like he was comforting me.

I was telling my horse that there would be no more bush rides or hanging out together. The time for feeling free and enjoying life was over for me. The future would be only filled with a Mother’s paralysing grief and blinding sorrow for her little girl.

I truly believed that there would never be one moment of happiness or desire to do anything that I once loved.

Everything felt meaningless and life felt cruel and pointless.

I am sure my horse didn’t mind being left alone to be a horse.

As a horsey family with small children, sitting up on a horse and being led around was a source of joy for them.

I couldn’t even face doing that anymore. Everything I did with the girls was a painful reminder that there was another happy little excited girl missing.

However my eldest was in love with horses and was given a little pony to help ease the loss of her younger sister, who she had been so close to.

Being very young, she needed Mum and Dad’s help. This actually made us focus and be present for her. It was obvious she needed to have some normality and fun back in her life.

After time, I started to find some solace being with horses again. They helped me be in the present moment in order to stay safe but also being with them and in nature, felt actually easier than being with people at the time.

Horses continued to help our family through the grieving process by their presence in our life.

Caring for horses and developing a strong bond through connection was a vehicle to come back to living in the world again.

Our family would go on rides together, camping trips and many many educational clinics, to develop a deeper understanding and connection with our equine partners.

We also developed life long friendships and discovered ways to infuse happiness and adventure into life through our time with horses.

I felt my daughter in spirit was always with us and yet I would imagine how special it would be, to have 4 daughters playing with their ponies and riding with their Mum and Dad.

Many years later, as a family, we accompanied one of our daughter’s to America. She had been awarded a scholarship for her skills and beautiful relationship with her horse.

Having horses in our lives helped our family through those difficult years.

I became interested in a way to be with horses where they truly chose to be with me and not because they were made to.

They are incredible truth tellers if we are open to listen with our eyes and ears.

Horses give honest feedback. They teach us where we need to improve in our relational skills with horses and humans.

Horses teach me so much every day and I have made many mistakes over the years but their beautiful forgiving nature is very humbling.

Horses have led me out of the thick fog of grief and to a field of possibilities. I have witnessed their emotions when a paddock buddy is in pain, dies or is taken away suddenly.

The expression of their grief is sometimes visceral through colic, loss of appetite, depressed affect and lack of energy or motivation.

Healthy horses can model healthy ways to move through loss. They experience feelings as information and do not suppress them. In the moment they feel and express what they feel and when released they go back to grazing until a feeling arrives again.

My horses now share their wisdom with adults and children that come to our farm.

This happens through a unique and innovative way of learning. Emotional regulation and managing challenges can be developed by observation and relational experiences with horses.

The elder of the herd has a sweet spot for those that come with grief or sadness. He will walk up and stand with his head slightly lowered and place his muzzle gently close to the client.

His nearby presence and holding sacred space creates a comforting and often healing experience for the client.

It is such an honour to be a facilitator for what arrives in the moment between horse and human. What feels safe and appropriate for the client and ethical for the horse too is always taken into account.

With support, the client may choose to explore with compassion and curiosity what is arriving for them. They may find clarity or new insights about their grief or life challenges.

Grief is a hard road to travel and the track can be lonely.

Sometimes it is the animal world rather than humans that become the guiding light for the traveller to find his way out of the darkness.

The trail that each of us takes is unique. It is an incredible ride to take when horse and human come together, in a place of sacred honouring for the past and what arrives in the present.

I am open to the wisdom from horses and nature to guide me, so that I can make a difference in the lives of both humans and horses.

With gratitude.